Go go buffalo!

I've recently been struggling with my weight. Now, I'm not drastically overweight by any means but I'm "pudgy" as said by my extremely honest boyfriend. I have no issue with him saying this because it's not derogatory or mean-spirited in any way, he's just honest. My issue is losing weight the way I want to...I'm very used to weight lifting and I'm good at it honestly. I could bulk up in a hurry if I wanted to but I want to trim down. This requires cardio, which I dislike highly. This also requires me to alter my eating. Not fun.

My main issue comes in that I'm fighting a difficult battle of feelings between being happy with myself the way I am, which at moments I am truly. The other side is wanting to be something perfect for someone I love, who will love me no matter what, but I still think I need to be better. What do I do? Being happy with myself leads to being sedentary and pudgy and being overly critical leads to 3 hour work out sessions. Is there a good middle ground? I'm sure there is but I've never been much of a middle ground type of gal.

I have two types of influences telling me that I'm beautiful the way I am. More and more models out there aren't stick thin anymore, less airbrushing shows flaws we all know they had but never had the opportunity to see. Then I have the skinny well toned model types making me think that, yes! I too can have my abs back the way they were before my son was born. I know they're under there...I saw them after basic training but apparently they are shy now again.

What would be my plan of action in a perfect world? Weight train until all the fat was gone and alter my diet to maintain. This is, however, not a perfect world. If I did that I'd end up built like an MMA fighter in a couple months time and my boyfriend would probably wonder if he should now fear for his life when we play wrestle. So, what does that leave me with? Cardio...cardio...and more cardio. I may just have to bite the bullet and get an Ipod or something. I think I should at least get a headset so I can watch the TV's attached to the damn workout machines. Silent "america's funniest videos" isn't nearly as entertaining as it is with sound.